Whew. You think fame is all glitz and red carpets? Alyson Stoner’s new memoir “Semi-Well-Adjusted Despite Literally Everything” rips that illusion wide open — and what’s behind the curtain is way darker than anything you’d expect from a former Disney star who once danced her way into America’s heart alongside Missy Elliott and the Jonas Brothers.
Let’s rewind. You probably remember Stoner from Cheaper by the Dozen or Camp Rock — bubbly, talented, always camera-ready. But while the world saw a rising teen icon, off-screen, things were unraveling fast. And in this brutally honest book, Stoner holds nothing back.
At just 15, during the Camp Rock boom, Stoner wasn’t just managing sudden global fame — they were dodging stalkers, escaping a kidnapping plot, and dealing with threats that no teenager, no human being, should have to face. One of the most terrifying? A fake Make-A-Wish request turned near-abduction, where an elaborate scam nearly tricked their team into flying Stoner out for what was really a setup to hold them for ransom. Let that sink in.
But it didn’t stop there. Another stalker — convinced Stoner was his wife, Cinderella — showed up at a volunteer program with a bouquet and fuzzy slippers, somehow slipping into the building where kids were under Stoner’s care. And the police? Basically told them, “Call us when he actually touches you.” I mean… what?
Now, fast forward. No big lawsuits, no justice stories — just years of mismanaged money, financial gaslighting, and waking up one day after 20 years of working in the industry with zero dollars. Yeah. Nothing. Gone.
And who’s to blame? Turns out a little bit of everyone. From the mom who pulled a salary for years to business teams burning through cash on lavish gifts, and an industry that treats kids like cash machines with no instruction manual for survival.
Add in the horrifying sexual assault by a so-called wellness guru — and the picture becomes clear: fame, for all its glitter, was a gauntlet. And Stoner? They survived, but just barely.
Today, they’re using their voice for something far more powerful than a Disney singalong. As the founder of Movement Genius and the host of the Dear Hollywood podcast, Stoner is not only unpacking the trauma — they’re fighting for systemic change. For better protection, for transparency, and for kids who don’t yet know what’s coming.
“Come for the childhood chaos. Stay for the cultural critique.” That’s how Stoner describes the book — and trust me, that’s exactly what you get.
It’s not just a memoir. It’s a wake-up call. And Hollywood? You’ve got a lot of explaining to do.
