Alright, folks, let’s talk about Martha Stewart. Yes, “that” Martha Stewart—the queen of domestic perfection, the woman who built an empire on the art of entertaining, and apparently, the internet’s latest *thirst trap* sensation.
At “83 years old”, she just dropped a steamy, suggestive video on Instagram that has the internet collectively clutching its pearls (or fanning itself, depending on who you ask).
So, what’s the fuss about? Well, let’s set the scene. Martha, wrapped in a silky beige robe, leans in close to the camera, her voice velvety smooth. In her hand? A plump, juicy strawberry, fresh from the garden. She takes a bite—audibly, ASMR-style—letting the juice drip as she murmurs that strawberries are “best in the hot sun.”
Then comes the honey. Golden, sticky, slowly drizzling from a honey dipper as she moans ““Mmm, golden amber.”” And just when you think it can’t get any more eyebrow-raising, she winks at the camera and licks her lips.
Now, for anyone wondering whether this is a teaser for some kind of “Martha After Dark” series—nope. It’s an ad for “MAC Cosmetics”. Yes, somewhere between the flirtatious fruit-eating and the honey-coated innuendos, Martha pivots to lip liners and lipstick, coyly sniffing a tube and purring, ““Smells like vanilla.”” And in case anyone missed the message, she caps it off with a whispered declaration: ““I. Only. Wear. MAC.””
Naturally, the internet lost its collective mind. One viewer summed up the confusion with a blunt ““Is this OnlyFans?!”” while another dramatically declared, ““This feels illegal. I think it should be illegal.””
But let’s not pretend it was all pearl-clutching—some fans were “very” into it. One confidently proclaimed, ““Sex is back.”” Others wanted to know who her doctor is, presumably so they too can look like an ageless goddess well into their 80s.
Of course, Martha is no stranger to reinvention. She shocked the world when she became the “oldest woman to grace the cover of Sports Illustrated’s Swimsuit Issue” at 81, proving that she’s not just redefining aging—she’s rewriting the rules entirely.
And let’s not forget, this is a woman who went to “prison”, came back, became besties with Snoop Dogg, and somehow “got cooler”.
So, love it or hate it, one thing is clear: Martha Stewart is doing “exactly” what she wants. And at 83, she’s got nothing left to prove—except maybe that she can still set the internet on fire.
